BURGER KING DUDE

I was reading another blog, Aliens Stole My Wallet and the topic was how creepy the Burger King "King" is. You know the one where the guy opens the curtain and the King gives him a breakfast sandwich or the one where the guy wakes up and the King is in bed with him.

The King is creepy, but I kind of like him. Let me explain, if I were the person in the commercial I would probably scream like a little girl and then beat the living shit out of the King, sue the company and change the name to Blade's Burger Bitch and have the King dancing in a cage above the counter.

You know...I sound kind of creepy too. I need a vacation.

"BIG SEXY" PART TWO

So I arrive at Big Sexy's suicidal subject call about one second before him. I had dealt with this subject before so I just took the lead...what are friends for? With my patrol car parked so the headlights were on the subject Cleatus, Big Sexy pulled his patrol car at about a 45 degree angle to mine, same thing headlights on Cleatus.

Cleatus standing in the driving rain with a big ass pair of sewing scissors held to his throat and me standing in the V of my patrol car and door, Big Sexy doing the same at his vehicle. I start talking to Cleatus and you know, telling him it was all going to be alright and that he needed to put the scissors down. Well, Cleatus took this as "walk on over towards me with those big ass scissors." That wasn't going to happen! Big Sexy and myself draw our weapons and tell Cleatus he needs to stop and put the scissors down. Cleatus is babbling on and doesn't hear us or pay attention to us or something. Now not only am I worried about possibly having to shoot this man, but I also have a rookie standing here with me and I'm not sure if he's about to shoot also. Thoughts of law suits are going through my head, along with; is he to close? should I have already shot? please don't let the rookie shoot him my supervisor will kill me if the rookie is in a shoot out so soon.

Then...my head clears and I do what I have been trained to do. In a clear, commanding voice I shout as I pull my gun up into the subjects view for the first time and say "Cleatus stop right there and drop those fucking scissors." and Big Sexy says "Yea Right Now!"

Cleatus stops, looks at me and then Big Sexy and drops the scissors and starts crying. We secure Cleatus, check on his parents, that he still lives with at the young age of 32 and then Big Sexy puts him in the patrol car to transport him to the state hospital, while in route to the hospital Cleatus tries to choke himself to death with his own hands. Big Sexy had to introduce Cleatus to pepper spray that night, however that would not be the last time we dealt with Cleatus.

LOST IN SPACE

For those of you that have read this crap I call LIFE, I'm sorry. I must be the worst blog writer on the net. It seems to take me a month to pull my head out of my ass and write. I'm trying to get better, but with two kids and a wife...ahhhh, I am just too damn tired to write once the night settles down. I promise in the next few days I will continue the Story of Big Sexy and Myself deciding if we're going to have to shoot the suicidal subject. For the 2 or 3 of you that read, thanks again, I'll try to do better.

BladeRunner