HOT PANTS

Ok, you probably want to know why I haven't posted anything for quite some time. Well here is the sad truth.

Jack took me hostage and held me in his cabin on the ranch. He had his way with me multiple times and then let me go. So anyway that took about 20-25 minutes and the rest of the time I've been working on some training courses I had to take. Sorry it took so long, now lets get to the real story

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The other night I was out working with some Patrol Officers in one of the small cities in our area. We've been looking for a group of wanted felons, chasing lead after lead. We have had a hell of a time tracking this group. We have the Patrol Officers on the main drag in town looking for the main guy's vehicle.

We go down to a dark back road with one of the Patrol Officers to meet with a CI and question this meth whore about our main guy, Doogie. This whore is just trying to piss us off by telling us absolutely nothing. This goes on for almost an hour, our Patrol Officers are still on the main drag trying to locate Doogie.

This night I'm working with a partner that is some what new. Marvin is a nice guy and recently married, his wife is still a little green on all this secret agent shit. Marvin and Kate (his wife) are trying to have a baby and they've been trying for awhile. They're now at the point of keeping track of her cycle, when it's time he's at home trying.

Marvin and I are ready to put the whore in a bag and throw her in the river. Chet (Patrol Officer) calls on the radio and tells us he has a possible. We tell the whore we'll call her later and head back to the drag. Chet makes a stop on the vehicle and gets the driver out, we pull up, hidden behind a gas station pump. Shit, it's not our guy. We let Chet Know and now he has to deal with this Drunk he stopped. This guy is wasted, he can't perform any of the test and is about to be put in handcuffs. Mr. Drunk then realizes he doesn't want to go to jail and starts to fight with Chet. Marvin and I bail out to go help, just as we arrive, Mr. Drunk kicks Chet in the shin. Chet whips out the pepper spray and hoses this guy down. Mr. Drunk starts to scream like an eight year old boy locked in a room with Michael Jackson.

Mr. Drunk is gently placed on the ground and handcuffed, this guy has snot bubbles hanging from nose to knee. He is then placed gently into the patrol car and taken to jail. Marvin and I go also because of the great amount of pepper spray, we had become a little comtaminated also. Mostly just our hands and arms.

Marvin gets the call, it's time to call it a night, he now has other duties to perform. We finish up some paper work and we call it. Marvin later tells me the following.

Marvin gets home, jumps in the shower and then into bed. At this stage there is no time to waste, Marvin is trying to get Kate hot and start the process.

Kate: "it's hot"

Marvin: "yeah baby, it's hot"

Kate: "oh, it's getting hotter"

Marvin thinking "I'm the man"

Kate: "Oh! it's getting hotter"

Marvin: "yeah, who's your daddy"

Kate: "No, it's really hot. It's burning"

Marvin thinking "Oh shit"

Kate jumps out of bed naked and running for the shower

Marvin kisses ass and tries to explain what happen with Mr. Drunk and the Pepper Spray

Marvin is still on the couch, however he did get the nickname "Hot Hands." His wife got a new nickname also but I'm not allowed to release it.

Blade Out!

HEART BREAKING

You have all said it, or at least thought it. Cops are uncaring, insensitive people. To some aspect your right. We have to turn off our senses or we would go crazy. You can't work with death and destruction all around you every day and not turn it off. There is a line we must walk where we have to turn it off and on at a moments notice. This story is one of those times.

While on patrol I get a call for a welfare concern. Someone is concerned about another's health and or well-being. In this case both, an elderly man has not been seen in days and a friend of his called in.

I locate the residence, which is a dilapidated mobile home. The trees in front have broken limbs which have fallen onto the home, the front porch is rotting away and it appears that there is no electricity. Knocking on the door gets no response and I'm thinking to myself this is going to be a DRT (Dead Right There). The front door is ajar so I enter the home.

This is something I've only seen on television, the home is full of trash. I mean full, there is a path from the front door through the living room to the kitchen and down the hall, the rest of the house is solid trash at least two feet high. You can not leave the path without climbing up two feet onto the trash. I make my way down the hall and as I do I pass the bathroom. The toilet is full of waste and paper, stacked on top of each other, FOUR feet high, no joke. The smell of waste, urine and trash fill the house. I am having to fight back the reflex of gagging with every step. When I find the bedroom the smell has increased ten fold and in the bed is an elderly man about six feet tall and weighing in at 100 lbs. He's awake but in bad shape.

The old man is coherent but is so weak he can't get up. EMS won't take him cause he doesn't want to go. Adult Protective Services won't help because he's coherent. Lucky for me...I get the job of trying to talk him into going to the hospital. One of the EMT's on site is a friend of mine and I ask him to stay because I'm sure I can get this guy to go.

After two hours of trying to talk the old man into going with the EMTs and gathering info on the old man. The light bulb goes off as I find out the old man is a WW II veteran. I tell Gerry the EMT to get ready. I go back to the old man's room and ask about the war and tell him my grandfather was in the same war and we share a few stories. The EMTs are in the hall waiting for the word when I start to pace back and forth at the end of the old man's bed. The old man watches me and in my best DI voice I say "Get your sorry ass out of that bed soldier, you want to go out like this, covered in your own shit and piss? You made it across the beach, you killed to stay alive and come home to your family. You fought every day and now you just want to lay back and die? Not on my watch, are you ready to go and get cleaned up and fed?" And as I watched the tears fill his eyes he said yes. Before he could change his mind, myself and the two EMTs had him out the door and on the way to the Hospital where he made a full recovery.

That call was one of the hardest for me, just because it can happen to any of us. The old man's family was gone and he felt there was nothing left to live for. Lucky for him, he had at least one friend who cared enough to make a call. We have all been put out by an elderly person before, but before you bite, put yourself in their shoes.

CACTUS SUCK

Early in my patrol years myself and a new rookie that just got off FTO were sitting in ours cars talking about how nothing exciting ever happens on our shifts. Ours shifts overlapped, mine was graveyard and his evenings. Mickey, the rookie was a young guy and ready for something good to break loose.

Earlier that day a man had car jacked a little old lady and had gotten away and a mild search was still active. I had been on my shift maybe an hour when a shots fired call went out and the suspect fit the car jacker's description. Mickey and I were in route...so we thought. Our Sgt. redirected us and told us to stay closer to town and take any other calls that might come in. Now we were a little pissed that we were missing this and got back to our discussion about not getting the exciting calls.

About 30 minutes had gone by and I get a call for a barricaded subject. While in route to this call with Mickey as my back up, dispatch informs us that the suspect is holding her family hostage at gun point, "Ask and you shall receive." Now because of the Car Jacker shooting up the town, all other Officers on duty and some off duty are searching for this guy, which leaves Mickey and Myself as the only other Officers available. I contact the nearest city and request support from any available officers. I get three duty Officers and one off duty Officer to show up at the residence.

As we arrived at the location the three family members come running out the door and tell us the suspect is a female and had held them hostage with a 12 gauge shotgun. The sister of the suspect informs me the suspect had lost two family members in the last month, the latest being her husband and the suspect had not slept in a week. The suspect's record was clean, however the situation had now put her and all the Officers at great risk.

I quickly organized my group with the Officer with the most experience close to the door to try to make contact with the suspect. While he was trying to talk with her the rest of us would take our positions around the house. Several times the suspect came out toting the shotgun and it was very clear she did not want to talk. However, Jimmy kept engaging her in conversation until I let him know we were in position.

Our plan was just to talk her out, but as long as she had the gun we were just going to sit. She knew where Jimmy was however she couldn't see him or harm him as he was behind cover. Then after about 40 minutes she walks back out onto the porch with out the gun and we decide to rush her before she can get back in. Jimmy and myself are the closest to her and we take off in a full out run. Jimmy going straight at her head on and me from her left side. Did I mention it was pitch black outside that night, you couldn't see your own hand in front of you or the partial 5 strand barbed wire fence I ran into (at a full run). I hit that fence so hard it sent me flying backward a good 15 feet. I landed flat on my back in the middle of one big ass cactus plant. I didn't feel a thing, I jumped up and went to the house, where they had already detained my suspect. Jimmy looked at me as if waiting to see what I was going to do (the pain had set in) and in a firm commanding voice I said "I'll be right back, I need to take care of something."

I calmly walked down the hall of the residence, found the bathroom, went in, dropped my pants and pulled about 20 cactus thorns out of my ass. I got dressed went back to the living room got my suspect and put her in my patrol car. Jimmy walked up and asked "did you just take a shit in this lady's house?

Be Careful what you ask for.